Down and Out

Thank you for asking about me ladies!

♥ ♥ ♥ It really means a lot to me! ♥ ♥ ♥

Wednesday, a lady T-Boned the driver side of my car. I was driving.

I have a very painful shoulder due to torn muscles, ligaments, or tendons or something. I had my third Dr.'s visit yesterday where I learned he actually WANTS me to stay on the pain meds (& muscle relaxer & anti-inflammatory) around the clock...good because it provides some relief although it's very temporary, and allows me to do a little more, until the med starts wearing off and my shoulder screams from the activity I've engaged in. Frustrating because I'm doing SOOO little.

I'm not on the PC much because it hurts my eyes and head.

But I've got physical therapy next 2 weeks and hope that helps the healing to start.

And to my relief, today my boss said I have my job no matter how long it takes to get back! (My left shoulder and arm muscles are critical to my job.)

Likely no broken bones.

I AM doing some light lurking. I'm really trying to check in on the blogs, just not up to typing with the nausea, blurriness and pain.

Love to you, who cared to read this!

Missing Followers?

At least it's not just me this time. In the past, I'd tried to use blogger to comment on friend's blogs, to find myself in a vicious circle everytime having to sign-up, log-in, re-sign-up, over and over. It's largely why that, here in 2009, blogging is new to me!

Now I see my followers count has increased, and I am one of them!

Yup...apparently I'm following myself! Good thing I'm not afraid of my own shadow or there would be a serious confrontation there!

But others are saying they've lost followers.

This was posted at blogger:

"Hey folks,
You may have noticed the number of your public Followers has decreased over the last few hours. We are in the process of integrating with Friend Connect.

There is small set of users that already use both Blogger Following and Friend Connect. To avoid linking the profiles of Blogger and Friend Connect users without their permission, we have set these users to "anonymous". They are still following privately and will able to make themselves public again.

With the official launch of the Friend Connect integration, we will communicate with the affected users to encourage them to reset their relationship to public. To reiterate, the number of Followers has not changed, and we believe that the launch will improve the visibility of your blog and community. We will post more details on Blogger Buzz and here as the launch approaches.

Thanks for your patience,
Gatsby
The Blogger Team

What ARE they doing for those poor "donateds"?

This post is for Roxymommy. It is written with love for you and my friends travelling the TTC path, ...and heavily dotted with sarcasm toward the blogger in question.

Wow.

I followed that "moron" link to find out what you referred to. This guy's title doesn't seem to work for his cause, by the way.

MORON is a good word. "Buffoon" is pretty good too, but I'm scared that person isn't joking...that that site is not just a spoof.

He (she?) refers to human beings conceived of donor sperm as "the donateds" throughout his blogs. And he doesn't appear to be trying to be cruel, it's just the callous way he refers to these human beings. Really lends credence to the stand he seems to be taking! (not.)

In his "About me" he compares adoptions/donorships to slavery and wife beating as well as excessive CO2 emissions. So...donorships should change too? (How so?) I had difficulty following the train of thought here.

And I for one, love etymology and have a pretty good vocabulary but found his (or her) verbal posturing DROLL! His thoughts are scattered and fragmented.

Really, you gotta laugh! Keep reading his various blogs (which is very difficult!).

He/she talks as if humans are being donated and sold. And while I know the abortion issue raises question about how early a person becomes a person, (zygote, blastocyst, embryo, fetus, WHEN exactly?), I don't believe sperm are at issue anywhere but his blog. Donated sperm creates an unhappy "donated"? And this is not fair to them? (you are such mean donor sperm recipients!) *rolling eyes*

In his paragraph "Why roots matter..." he is apparently talking to homosexuals but is so unclear in his thinking and writing that you don't know that until he mentions "same as hetero's money". He ends the paragraph saying the fertility industry "doesn't give a damn if the children sold to the public are happy". Yeah dude, appalling! Why aren't they determining before the sale, whether those sperm actually WANT to become a human "donated"? (Oh...but you already KNOW they would NOT!)

Wait! I have some friends who are parents of "donateds"! Let's see if they would describe them as being as miserable with their lives as he claims! Of course if THEY (the parents) referred to their children as "the donateds", I bet there would be bigger issues at hand other than the facts of their conception!

I have a suggestion for this blogger...given his ideology and compassion for sperm, I think he should become a serious advocate for them.

He should stop picking on parents who love the resulting human being, their child, and go after those men who, through countless masturbatory emissions during their lives, are murdering potential "donateds" and non-donateds! I think this is so much more shocking!

Ok maybe I'm being dramatic. Perhaps it's just reckless abandonment? Either way....a SERIOUS cause to fight for!

Such ignorance!

Roxymommy, I loved your post and hope know you won't break your stride until you have your precious bundle(s) in your arms! Hugs girl.

God Always Understands

I think I've finally decided to give up ttc.
It's not going to happen unless I actively pursue it and doing that the past few years has yielded nothing but disappointment.
And yes, I've thought about adopting, but no, I'm not going to consider it.
I raised two step-children from a young age and that did not fill the hole I feel because I can't conceive one of my own. Not to mention the issues with RAD and missing a good part of their formative years.
I also simply don't have the money for an adoption, IVF, etc...
I've been "deciding" this for a long time and I'm almost to the point of accepting it!
So now I devote all of my time oohing and ahhing over others' successes, while I plan a different kind of future.
Any ideas?
I want to come up with a 5-year plan for my life, as daunting as that sounds.
I'm excited to think about getting rid of the routines, useless dreams, and stress over my life not being fulfilled.
I need some new goals that I can reach!

I've got Lady now, and the adoration seems mutual! She is the BEST dog I've ever had. Often, it's like raising a child! That will suffice!
Will post pics of her soon!

The Love Dare

Have you seen the movie Fireproof?

Let me warn you first, this is a Christian movie. If you are not interested in Christian themes, you won't care much for the movie.

But if you are Christian, whether mediocre or fanatical, and have a spouse or partner, you can definitely benefit from taking The Love Dare.

This is supposed to be a great tool for improving your relationship!

You can also follow along on that site and leave comments, or set up your own journal!

More info:

♥ A Dozen good reasons to see Fireproof

♥ See the Trailer (I had to click the pause button and let it load halfway so it wouldn't interrupt)

♥ The Love Dare

Thank you SO much!

Thank you to everybody who sent prayer, thoughts, hugs regarding Pepper. Although the depth of my sadness is still profound feeling, the tragic, shocking feeling is waning, thank God. It felt like I was always going to feel that way. I appreciate the positivity from you.

I thought I should blog every day or two but was feeling too negative to put anything out there.

I have to say the warm welcomes to the blog world that I received were SOOO heart-warming! I don't know why I didn't do this sooner (thanks onemorebaby for your help in getting me started...sorry I didn't listen sooner) because it felt like so many people disappeared off the boards and right out of this world. But here you are! A good many of you anyway! I'm so thrilled to be able to catch up. I've got so much more reading to do!

Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart!

In Memory Of Pepper

It took losing Pepper yesterday to finally buckle down and start a blog.

I had just recently posted on All Things Children the number of pets I have. Murphy's Law seems to be that anything I say will be contradicted shortly after I say it. But only the things I don't want contradicted.

Pepper came to us at our previous home. She belonged to a neighbor who didn't care for her well, so Pepper took it upon herself to adopt us. We had no pets at this time so it was a bit of a minor uproar when she would come dashing in our house when the door opened. We finally spoke to the neighbor who agreed that we could keep her. She is possibly the best gift I've ever received.

She was an abnormally affectionate cat. She would "kiss" on command (on your nose, when you said "give me a kiss") and if you made a "gun" with your thumb and forefinger and made a shooting noise at her, she would fall over on her side.

She was hilarious.
She purred constantly.
I so badly miss the love she readily gave. She never adopted the independent, leave-me-alone cat attitude that so many do, but assumed it was her God-given duty to love me to the point of obsession.

She was a "Tuxedo Cat". And a really neat one, as she even had a bowtie under her nose.

We had 7-8 years with her. She brought me joy that no other cat ever has. And now she's suddenly gone forever.

I came home from work Friday night and she was sitting by the door appearing absolutely as normal as ever. But I was instantly alarmed anyway. I don't know why. Thinking in retrospect, I'd had an odd concern about her whereabouts earlier in the day even though she frequently scouted around the yard and the shop hunting. She hunted anything that moved. Most especially your fingers under the covers. She could play that for as long as you were willing to wiggle them back and forth for her.

I brought her into the bedroom and within 5 minutes or so, it was apparent she didn't feel well. I did not sleep at all that night. I was worrying and tearful, as she would foam at the mouth and start gagging and heaving every couple of hours.

Dh's sleep was disturbed by my tears and restlessness and at 3:46 a.m. I convinced him she must have been somehow poisoned. The only thing he could think of was the antifreeze in a pan under the van. Did you know that antifreeze is sweet and attracts your pets? We didn't. I don't know why.

So I ran into the office and googled "CATS ANTIFREEZE". Very horrifying. I don't think I'll ever forget the horror of those moments while I read about it. Alcohol. "Get her drunk", was the only recommendation I could employ at this hour. That neutralizes the ethylene glycol, interrupting and delaying it's progress to the kidneys and liver allowing time for medical intervention. I was thanking God for the rum in the cabinet. We administered this every two hours with a syringe.

The first thing in the morning I called the Animal Hospital and took her right in. I'll spare you the details of antifreeze poisoning, but suffice it to say that if you don't catch your pet in the act of consuming it, and rush them to a vet, there is NO chance for survival, and it's symptoms are horrible and nasty.

They ran tests and put her on fluids. She was dehydrated. She had no urine. She was already in acute kidney failure due to the crystalization. She could not recover.

I was with her when they euthanized her. While she wouldn't give me kisses, I kissed her a whole lot. And told her I love her. And thanked her for the past eight years.

And when her soul left, it took with it a part of mine.

She is the inspiration for this new blog. It finally became important to me to have an outlet for my feelings.

The day after is no easier, making me wish for the passage of time. My pain is great. I'm periodically finding myself suddenly trying to suppress the sub-human wail that wants to escape from my throat. My face is burning from the salt that has been coursing down it for the past 36 1/2 hours. It is overwhelmingly sad to lose such a joyous part of yourself.

I love you Pepper. I miss you so badly. I can never, ever forget what a special and unique pet you were, and it's impact on my life, forever.

FOR SALE: Baby Shoes, Never Used

It has seemed an overwhelming task to start a blog. Sure, blogging will be enjoyable, but start-up requires some research and designing and a whole lot of time I'll probably never have, right?

Well, here it is. And though I am unsure whether this site is intended for blogging, it has borne my first blog anyway.

Whether I'll manage the layout to show successive posts in a logical manor, I have no idea. Perhaps it will start here and die here....Or maybe, there will be a lot of housekeeping as I learn to navigate this site.

How do people come up with names for blogs? Do I name it something reflecting my geographical location? Something more personal using my name? Ah...but the title I've chosen is something I heard a long time ago. It was written by Hemingway. I'm adopting it, so let's give it a go!