Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Thank you SO much!

Thank you to everybody who sent prayer, thoughts, hugs regarding Pepper. Although the depth of my sadness is still profound feeling, the tragic, shocking feeling is waning, thank God. It felt like I was always going to feel that way. I appreciate the positivity from you.

I thought I should blog every day or two but was feeling too negative to put anything out there.

I have to say the warm welcomes to the blog world that I received were SOOO heart-warming! I don't know why I didn't do this sooner (thanks onemorebaby for your help in getting me started...sorry I didn't listen sooner) because it felt like so many people disappeared off the boards and right out of this world. But here you are! A good many of you anyway! I'm so thrilled to be able to catch up. I've got so much more reading to do!

Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart!

Sunday, January 25, 2009

In Memory Of Pepper

It took losing Pepper yesterday to finally buckle down and start a blog.

I had just recently posted on All Things Children the number of pets I have. Murphy's Law seems to be that anything I say will be contradicted shortly after I say it. But only the things I don't want contradicted.

Pepper came to us at our previous home. She belonged to a neighbor who didn't care for her well, so Pepper took it upon herself to adopt us. We had no pets at this time so it was a bit of a minor uproar when she would come dashing in our house when the door opened. We finally spoke to the neighbor who agreed that we could keep her. She is possibly the best gift I've ever received.

She was an abnormally affectionate cat. She would "kiss" on command (on your nose, when you said "give me a kiss") and if you made a "gun" with your thumb and forefinger and made a shooting noise at her, she would fall over on her side.

She was hilarious.
She purred constantly.
I so badly miss the love she readily gave. She never adopted the independent, leave-me-alone cat attitude that so many do, but assumed it was her God-given duty to love me to the point of obsession.

She was a "Tuxedo Cat". And a really neat one, as she even had a bowtie under her nose.

We had 7-8 years with her. She brought me joy that no other cat ever has. And now she's suddenly gone forever.

I came home from work Friday night and she was sitting by the door appearing absolutely as normal as ever. But I was instantly alarmed anyway. I don't know why. Thinking in retrospect, I'd had an odd concern about her whereabouts earlier in the day even though she frequently scouted around the yard and the shop hunting. She hunted anything that moved. Most especially your fingers under the covers. She could play that for as long as you were willing to wiggle them back and forth for her.

I brought her into the bedroom and within 5 minutes or so, it was apparent she didn't feel well. I did not sleep at all that night. I was worrying and tearful, as she would foam at the mouth and start gagging and heaving every couple of hours.

Dh's sleep was disturbed by my tears and restlessness and at 3:46 a.m. I convinced him she must have been somehow poisoned. The only thing he could think of was the antifreeze in a pan under the van. Did you know that antifreeze is sweet and attracts your pets? We didn't. I don't know why.

So I ran into the office and googled "CATS ANTIFREEZE". Very horrifying. I don't think I'll ever forget the horror of those moments while I read about it. Alcohol. "Get her drunk", was the only recommendation I could employ at this hour. That neutralizes the ethylene glycol, interrupting and delaying it's progress to the kidneys and liver allowing time for medical intervention. I was thanking God for the rum in the cabinet. We administered this every two hours with a syringe.

The first thing in the morning I called the Animal Hospital and took her right in. I'll spare you the details of antifreeze poisoning, but suffice it to say that if you don't catch your pet in the act of consuming it, and rush them to a vet, there is NO chance for survival, and it's symptoms are horrible and nasty.

They ran tests and put her on fluids. She was dehydrated. She had no urine. She was already in acute kidney failure due to the crystalization. She could not recover.

I was with her when they euthanized her. While she wouldn't give me kisses, I kissed her a whole lot. And told her I love her. And thanked her for the past eight years.

And when her soul left, it took with it a part of mine.

She is the inspiration for this new blog. It finally became important to me to have an outlet for my feelings.

The day after is no easier, making me wish for the passage of time. My pain is great. I'm periodically finding myself suddenly trying to suppress the sub-human wail that wants to escape from my throat. My face is burning from the salt that has been coursing down it for the past 36 1/2 hours. It is overwhelmingly sad to lose such a joyous part of yourself.

I love you Pepper. I miss you so badly. I can never, ever forget what a special and unique pet you were, and it's impact on my life, forever.

FOR SALE: Baby Shoes, Never Used

It has seemed an overwhelming task to start a blog. Sure, blogging will be enjoyable, but start-up requires some research and designing and a whole lot of time I'll probably never have, right?

Well, here it is. And though I am unsure whether this site is intended for blogging, it has borne my first blog anyway.

Whether I'll manage the layout to show successive posts in a logical manor, I have no idea. Perhaps it will start here and die here....Or maybe, there will be a lot of housekeeping as I learn to navigate this site.

How do people come up with names for blogs? Do I name it something reflecting my geographical location? Something more personal using my name? Ah...but the title I've chosen is something I heard a long time ago. It was written by Hemingway. I'm adopting it, so let's give it a go!