Sunday, January 25, 2009

In Memory Of Pepper

It took losing Pepper yesterday to finally buckle down and start a blog.

I had just recently posted on All Things Children the number of pets I have. Murphy's Law seems to be that anything I say will be contradicted shortly after I say it. But only the things I don't want contradicted.

Pepper came to us at our previous home. She belonged to a neighbor who didn't care for her well, so Pepper took it upon herself to adopt us. We had no pets at this time so it was a bit of a minor uproar when she would come dashing in our house when the door opened. We finally spoke to the neighbor who agreed that we could keep her. She is possibly the best gift I've ever received.

She was an abnormally affectionate cat. She would "kiss" on command (on your nose, when you said "give me a kiss") and if you made a "gun" with your thumb and forefinger and made a shooting noise at her, she would fall over on her side.

She was hilarious.
She purred constantly.
I so badly miss the love she readily gave. She never adopted the independent, leave-me-alone cat attitude that so many do, but assumed it was her God-given duty to love me to the point of obsession.

She was a "Tuxedo Cat". And a really neat one, as she even had a bowtie under her nose.

We had 7-8 years with her. She brought me joy that no other cat ever has. And now she's suddenly gone forever.

I came home from work Friday night and she was sitting by the door appearing absolutely as normal as ever. But I was instantly alarmed anyway. I don't know why. Thinking in retrospect, I'd had an odd concern about her whereabouts earlier in the day even though she frequently scouted around the yard and the shop hunting. She hunted anything that moved. Most especially your fingers under the covers. She could play that for as long as you were willing to wiggle them back and forth for her.

I brought her into the bedroom and within 5 minutes or so, it was apparent she didn't feel well. I did not sleep at all that night. I was worrying and tearful, as she would foam at the mouth and start gagging and heaving every couple of hours.

Dh's sleep was disturbed by my tears and restlessness and at 3:46 a.m. I convinced him she must have been somehow poisoned. The only thing he could think of was the antifreeze in a pan under the van. Did you know that antifreeze is sweet and attracts your pets? We didn't. I don't know why.

So I ran into the office and googled "CATS ANTIFREEZE". Very horrifying. I don't think I'll ever forget the horror of those moments while I read about it. Alcohol. "Get her drunk", was the only recommendation I could employ at this hour. That neutralizes the ethylene glycol, interrupting and delaying it's progress to the kidneys and liver allowing time for medical intervention. I was thanking God for the rum in the cabinet. We administered this every two hours with a syringe.

The first thing in the morning I called the Animal Hospital and took her right in. I'll spare you the details of antifreeze poisoning, but suffice it to say that if you don't catch your pet in the act of consuming it, and rush them to a vet, there is NO chance for survival, and it's symptoms are horrible and nasty.

They ran tests and put her on fluids. She was dehydrated. She had no urine. She was already in acute kidney failure due to the crystalization. She could not recover.

I was with her when they euthanized her. While she wouldn't give me kisses, I kissed her a whole lot. And told her I love her. And thanked her for the past eight years.

And when her soul left, it took with it a part of mine.

She is the inspiration for this new blog. It finally became important to me to have an outlet for my feelings.

The day after is no easier, making me wish for the passage of time. My pain is great. I'm periodically finding myself suddenly trying to suppress the sub-human wail that wants to escape from my throat. My face is burning from the salt that has been coursing down it for the past 36 1/2 hours. It is overwhelmingly sad to lose such a joyous part of yourself.

I love you Pepper. I miss you so badly. I can never, ever forget what a special and unique pet you were, and it's impact on my life, forever.


  1. I'm sooooo glad you've started a blog!!! It's addicting. :)

    So sorry about Pepper. :( HUGS

  2. I am so very sorry for your loss. (((Hugs)))

  3. Welcome to the blogging world

  4. I'm so so sorry about your sweet kitty. She sounds amazing. Be gentle with yourself and hugs to you.

  5. Came over to see who had joined my blog. I am so, soooo sorry to hear about Pepper. I am insanely in love with all animals and know the pain of losing one you love so much.

    As for your blogspot title. I use "the world's shortest short story" with my English kids... I am sorry you can relate to it...

  6. I am so very for your loss, my friend. Very sorry. My heart goes out to you and is warmed by your love for your sweet furbaby. This is a love I can relate to.

    On a sweeter note, WELCOME to our Blog Circle we have been waiting for you buddy!

  7. Hello and welcome to blogland! I got your email. So sorry about your beloved kitty. Come on over and catch up on my life at

  8. SO SO sorry about Pepper. Please come check out my blog when you get a chance!

  9. OMG!!! I didn;t know this was YOU, db, when I checked in yesterday!!! Yea on being able to catch up on you. And, again, sorry about your kitty..

  10. I am so very sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you.


  11. I don't know what happened to my comment, I guess it disappeared. I am so very sorry about Pepper and your suffering. I couldn't help but cry when I read your post. I would be heartbroken if something happened to my dog, just as I imagine you are with losing your Pepper.

    You're in my prayers.

  12. I am sorry you lost Pepper- it is very hard.

    We have a cat named Pepper too.

    I love your page design- how did you add that?


  13. I read Tammy's blog and saw her link to yours. I too am a huge animal lover and in 2007 and 2008 I lost both of my cats. They both adopted me as well and the older one was with me for 16 years. I still miss them to this day, still cry sometimes, and their ashes sit on my fireplace. Three weeks ago a cat showed up on our front porch at 8 pm. She was starving so we fed her. It was cold and she seemed nice so we brought her in. I believe in my heart that Tigger either sent her to me or she is somehow his spirit coming back. Her eyes are yellow, his were green, she a calico, he a mackrel tabby. But the spirit and personality - she's all him through and through. It's like I've been transported back 16 years in time. So she's staying of course. There is always room at the inn! I'm so sorry for your loss!