Tuesday, February 10, 2009

I think I've finally decided to give up ttc.
It's not going to happen unless I actively pursue it and doing that the past few years has yielded nothing but disappointment.
And yes, I've thought about adopting, but no, I'm not going to consider it.
I raised two step-children from a young age and that did not fill the hole I feel because I can't conceive one of my own. Not to mention the issues with RAD and missing a good part of their formative years.
I also simply don't have the money for an adoption, IVF, etc...
I've been "deciding" this for a long time and I'm almost to the point of accepting it!
So now I devote all of my time oohing and ahhing over others' successes, while I plan a different kind of future.
Any ideas?
I want to come up with a 5-year plan for my life, as daunting as that sounds.
I'm excited to think about getting rid of the routines, useless dreams, and stress over my life not being fulfilled.
I need some new goals that I can reach!

I've got Lady now, and the adoration seems mutual! She is the BEST dog I've ever had. Often, it's like raising a child! That will suffice!
Will post pics of her soon!

21 comments:

  1. Thank you so much for visiting my blog and for the prayers! Can't wait to see pics of Lady :)

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  2. I am glad you have made a decision that is right for you but sad you had to make it if you know what I mean. Can't wait to see pics of little Lady.

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  3. I'm sorry. I know with watching your posts on the NW board that this has been a really long hard struggle for you. I don't know that I have advice on things to fill your life with but in my opinion dogs can be a good part of that. They are like perpetual 2 year olds and so loyal and don't care about much as long as you love them.

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  4. My heart breaks for you. I wish things were different for you sweetie. You deserve it so much.

    Can't wait to see pics of Lady! ((HUGS))

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  5. I just stumbled upon your blog and I have to say how brave you are to write so openly and honestly. I sometimes try to mask my heartache by the nicey nicey of life. But life is not always about nicey nicey is it? After the loss of a close friends son at 6 wks I really struggled with the "not fair" of life. But through it all i realized that there is a plan bigger and better than my wants and that I have to have peace and accept God will show me that plan when it is time. For now I am just trying to hold on and enjoy the ride. I know words don't fill your arms when you want to be holding a baby. But maybe they can fill your heart some so it does not ache so bad. Thank you for sharing and I really enjoy the way you write and how you write and I look forward to getting to know you.

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  6. I love the idea of making a 5 year plan! Okay, let me work on mine and I might come up with some ideas... hmmm... : ) I am also sad to hear that the tcc days are over, but I know how the trying without results can become life consuming. Doggies are certainly great additions to our lives, aren't they?! Slobbery little babies! Hugs... ag

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  7. Thank you so much for following my blog! And wow, your words are really touching. You sound like such a strong woman. I love your 5 year plan idea and think it's inspiring!

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  8. I am sorry, but you have to do what feels right to you. I can't wait to see Lady!

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  9. Thanks for that comment and I will definately tell him.

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  10. Very admirable of you for sharing with us your intention to stop TTC. I am not there yet, (although trying naturally is over), but sometimes I feel like I should be. Its hard to be let down all the time I know, but something i feel won't let me stop, not yet. I so respect your decision though. I hope that the future brings lots of successes for you! I will get to work on a 5 year plan for you , LOL, it probably wouldn't be any good, I need to do one for myself first. Glad i saw you on my blog and I'll be back....

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  11. Oh girl... I wish I could talk you into adoption. My "hole" seemed like it would never be filled, then this amazing little 4 month old creature was placed in my arms, and now... no hole- at all! :) I know you say you;ve raised your step-kids, but there were issues there that would not be there with a child that would be yours and your dh's, first... am I making sense?? xo

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  12. Girlie, as usual I like your style...and your honesty. I also love the idea of a 5 year plan...now, I really, really need one of those!

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  13. The box at the Target I went to showed that it does make that face on it..lol

    I think its too cute. Exspecially if you had a pink kitchen or something.

    I can check..lol

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  14. I just saw your a follower on my blog, so I thought I'd pop over and say hello. Hello!

    I can't imagine how hard your big decision was, bravo, for coming to a consensus. All the best with the 5 year plan!!

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  15. Hey you.. gosh your brave for making the choice. I think a 5 year plan for goals you can attain and have control over is a great idea.

    I still believe, with all my heart, that you deserve motherhood more than most. I know if I had the chance, I would hand you a baby before I took my own... that is how special and deserving I think you are.

    {{HUGS}}

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  16. I just saw your little picture of Raggedy Ann and came over to say hi : ). I said a prayer for you today. Lady sounds delightful!

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  17. how bout while I was shopping today I seen these raggedy anne wall stickers and i thought about you..lol

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  18. That is such a hard decision to make! but I'm glad you made a decision that's right for you!!(HUGS)!!!

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  19. I am sorry TTC didn't work out :( I am happy you are coming to terms with it. I hope acceptance is easy and permanent. You know i am here if ya need anything.
    Oh cant wait to see pics of the pup!

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  20. I must be the only one who doesn't actually know what TTC is. I realize it is some form of trying to have a baby...but that is all. I am sorry it has not worked for you. I do not know the full extent of your pain, but have had friends who have dealt with it. Acceptance is the hard part...thinking of a 5 year plan is very courageous and a wonderful idea. Trying to change your mind set can be difficult. Wouldn't it be easy if we could just turn a little knob and turn off those feelings we don't want to have. There is a 5 year plan...invent that one!! LOL
    Thanks for the nice comment on my blog.

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  21. I see this post is a couple of months old but I stumbled upon it because I was actually just thinking today that the "Baby Shoes, Never Used" story would be a good title for an infertility blog. I am sorry that you have had to make this decision to stop ttc, but I pray that this next chapter of your life will unfold in wonderful ways for you! Looking forward to reading more about your 5-year-plan.

    Jenni
    author, http://www.HannahsHopeBook.com Seeking God's Heart in the Midst of Infertility, Miscarriage & Adoption Loss

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